As time here winds to a close. What are the core challenges, how am I doing?
Overall. Good. Maybe even great.
Core challenges are staying focused and understanding my overall direction, what I want to accomplish. By having a clearer grasp of this, I’ll be able to fill in more steps. That also may make it easier to stay focused.
There’s a fatigued feeling lately, almost as if throughout the day, I could take a nap any time.
I’ve made good progress and learned a lot and I want to find a way to continue this process.
Not spending enough time making connections, putting myself out there enough. Schedules that I make are too easy to break or too full to complete.
What do I want now? I wonder if there is another place, on the West coast that I can continue this exercise. I'm going to miss this place and can't even quite fathom leaving.
☛ Voice Work
For voice work I picked Steven Pressfield’s the War of Art. The pages are short, easy to read and I look at it periodically throughout my day. A lot of people have found this book super helpful, even life changing. Some feel it’s nothing we haven’t heard before and wish there were more words on each page.
My favorite part of this read is how it's helped a lot of people. Some people have run with Pressfield’s ideas and used them as fuel to propel themselves to different stratospheres. It’s impressive. I think with an open mind it’s worth a read to almost anyone looking to move into a different phase of productivity or deal with creative/work/passion issues.
I use profanity. The more I think about it, the less it happens. The reason I find myself using it less is because usually it’s a copout for me. It gets attention, it has impact and emphasis built into it, it’s emotional and rebellious, direct, even cool. The more I hear profanity the more I wonder what could have captured that emotion or moment in a more perfect way. Profanity’s an incredible tool but maybe not always a reason, as Pressfield would say, to not “Do the work.” I get the effectiveness of the brash attitude but sometimes I feel it gets in the way of a good idea he’s explaining.
Certain concepts like creating an enemy out of an issue or relating to life like a battle, don’t gel somewhere deep down for me. I see it enough around me, inside I can choose in real time to experience something different. I’m not inclined to view life as a battle, especially a battle with myself. I'm more inclined to find ways to understand, move past, love or work with the parts that are challenging. Maybe I’m resisting my dream. I believe to a great extent we create our lives. Life can be a battle, a struggle, a meditation, a challenge, a game, a party, a work of art, a beautiful dance.
There’s many languages of love and many different ways to say the same thing. Pressfield has a valuable way of addressing a common experience, as do Ghandi, Lenon, Jane Goodall and many more. You may find this book changes your life and if you don’t, there are others out there that may.
I liked that they're from regular people in regular situations. Guy goes out to hunt moose -gets attacked by bear. Guy goes out to hunt squirrels - Gets lost.
When I read these articles, I learn stuff. The wilderness community is good at taking note of what was done and what could have been done to increase survival chances. Slowly, the more you check this type of material out the more ingrained certain rules become. If you get lost, stay put. Build a shelter. Signal for help. A lot of these guidelines are counterintuitive. If lost, sitting can feel like the opposite of being proactive. Walking gives a sense of purpose, goals, distance and perceived progress.
An element many of these stories have that’s a let down is the relationship people have with animals. One of these guys gets attacked by a bear. What do you do in that situation? Try to defend yourself, get out, eliminate the threat to your life. Totally. If faced with the choice of the life of an animal that’s attacking me or my own, I’ll choose my own. It’s that the majority of time, I see this relationship to animals from the beginning, before any attack, most of the time applied to animals that don’t attack or that it’s super rare for. People feel differently I know. There is no right or wrong. It seems like something’s out of relation though. It seems like there’s a big gap in the number of humans compared to animals that seek destruction or violence unnecessarily or for entertainment.
Too much to list. I see the golden eagle every couple days, sometimes pretty close. There was a super low tide which let me see all different types of creatures I haven’t been able to spot yet. Even fish trapped in little tide pools. Starfish galore. Sea algae or seaweed in all manor of different colors, pinks greens, oranges, blues, stalactites.
I ended up getting in the ocean. Not fully immersed, just up to my knees, to get a shot I wanted. Didn’t really get it. 100% worth it.
Locals see a dude walk out of the woods every single day completely soaked to the hip. They probably think it’s weird to see the same guy taking his pants off and getting in the late October ocean.
The big nature sighting was the leftovers of the Hurricane. Because of the full moon the tides were especially high and low. Never experienced anything like that before. That was power beyond what I knew. The biggest waves were as big as small houses. There's this feeling like "This is awesome! This is awesome! That's huge, get the hell out of there."
Doesn't look like much but I'm 30 feet above the ocean and that's 60-80 feet away zoomed at 300mm. When big waves crashed in on themselves out there, it sounded like a peal of thunder in a Summer Monsoon. The sound was a crack. Fun. Rocky footage but click the link!
Boy and the Ocean
I keep the sand in the bed now
It does feel good
Dreams are bigger with it there
Remember when you told me
About the kid
Who lived at the beach
With all the rest of the kids your age
You were young
He was playing in the ocean
Dove into a wave
And hit the sand
Broke his neck
He sits on the porch
Watches the ocean
You grow up
I wonder if he’s in love with anyone
If yes, if it changed over the years
If he's imagined
Coming out of the ocean and walking towards him
Sitting down next to him on the porch
Looking into him
Kissing his cheek
To get some groceries
From the supermarket
In a simple white sun dress
While he sits
With the ocean
Starts like this.
Lower on the Cliff, 15-20 feet up.
Sit in the right place so that it comes to say hi.
Say hi back.
An explosion of color, shape and energy
plays with time and space.
Might as well have jumped in.
Jeans, Levi's 511
Sneakers, Nike new vintage (2002), original Bill Bowerman waffle tread.
Casualties of life
Carhart W' Ziggy pants. If you find these. Anywhere. Let me know. I want another pair. These had already been repaired by the amazing Cloth Interiors of Kennebunkport at least twice.
Despite the amazing job, life's tough.
Thoughts - Observations.
I like being by the ocean.
I’m always excited to walk down that wooded path and see it.
-I’ve been good to myself and given myself a lot of extra love. There’s been a few days where I’ve really seen the difference from that. Really feel the difference and oddly feel more like the person I thought I would be as a kid, even see it in the mirror. There’s other days where it seems like no matter how much I try to love or appreciate myself, it’s difficult to see the person that I want to be and feel I am. Some days it’s hard not to see what I don’t like. Either way, doing this every day, spending that time with myself is adding to me.
I still struggle with being motivated and excited to take life to the extra level of incredibleness. I’m not one of those people who feels like I need to be doing something every moment or that can’t relax but I am someone who wants a life filled great moments, memories and magic. That feeling of mystery, wonder and purpose are kinda my favorite parts of life, so I have to find more ways to increase those feelings. When unbelievable “coincidences” happen or signs appear that make it feel like you’re on the right path or are meant to see something, maybe it even happened specifically for you. That feeling of destiny and purpose and a greater power that you can tap into and interact with. That’s what I love and need more of.
I am having some feelings that I didn’t do enough or didn’t accomplish enough with my time here or meet my goals enough. I like this type of life but am still unsure how I can support it. But what I need right now achieve that isn’t out of the question at all, it’s very attainable. It’s a matter of keeping at it, growing, putting down more legwork and structure to stand on. Putting more work in ahead of time so that I have the room to move or accept opportunities down the line. Or right now. It’s possible. Plenty have done it. I’ve done harder. I just have to value it and create it. And other new age phrases.