Wake. Morning Ritual. Meditate by the window. Make coffee and breakfast. Watch the sun rise over the trees, above the ocean. See my breath in its light. Go upstairs and look at my tasks. Get to work.
There may not be one turning point that we never come back from. There may be no single day that quenches our thirst for love so that we are never again parched. There may be many turning points.
I'll take what I can get. And if for some reason that inspiration or motivation to further shape myself in the likeness of what I feel deeply appears, as if by magic out of some dense fog; I will want to know the cause or the why, but I won't need to know it. I'll be grateful that it's here and get back to work.
"There's a hole in your wall and I peak through
I thought I was me and then I was you"
3 Specific Ways Art Makes A Positive Impact On Others
-People realize they can be creative and expressive
-People see that others also seek depth and meaning, beauty.
-Inspires curiosity and emotion & connects individuals to one another and something beyond them
☛ Voice Work / Cliff's Notes
Jack Kerouac - Big Sur
I decided to read some Kerouac this week. Opinions are mixed, some love him and some consider him an idol lacking talent. I don't know if I love him for his literary work. He does have some of the most expressive and creative writing I know. Kerouac has my handshake because he befriended me. He came over and opened himself up, told me what was inside him, explained how his mind worked, confessed his innards to me under the sun of a crowded street. He joked with me and clapped his arm around my shoulder insisting I meet all of his friends.
Watching an interview on Kerouac as a 46 year old. In many ways it’s hard to like him in this interview. He’s drunk, he’s insulting, on the surface he doesn’t seem to say much. I’ve had performances like this. And for most people they can be a let down, sad, even scary or disturbing. But buried in the outward appearance and even actuality of the car wreck, are gems of humanity. Truths come out, insights and observations from a place of emotion and often a place of vulnerability and depth are made available. Boundaries are pushed or simply walked over. There’s a line and whether it’s been crossed long ago or you’re tightroping across it now, some kind of radical insight lurks nearby. Power exists in operating outside the lines of expected norms. It's playing with different rules.
I’ve read a decent amount of Kerouac. One of the things that’s intriguing about this interview/ panel is that if you’ve read enough Kerouac you’re keenly aware that within the shell of this drooping drunk is an emotionally and intellectually large individual. At times it’s not funny. At times it’s disappointing. He’s a mess. He’s still Jack. He’s always cared for you, shared what he had and you know he wants good things. And some days and some moments are rough. Some days you just about can’t stand it all.
Earlier this month I wrote a quote down as a helpful note to myself “Disparage no one, Love everyone.” It’s a quote to carry with me through the project and after. Reading Kerouac, I couldn’t recall him trash talking anyone. Not that he loved everyone but it didn’t seem like he was ever trying to convince me to dislike anyone. I’m sure there’s examples of him doing just that if you searched but I was struck by the amount of stream of consciousness and confessed writing that lacked disparaging sentiment. It would be an impressive accomplishment, to go through a career in expression without speaking negatively on another. I’m less interested in whether Jack achieved or embodied this and more interested with the idea itself.
☛ Nature Sightings
Deer. Lots of deer. Fast deer.
Lots of birds. The bluejays around here have a society like I’ve never seen before. A lot of them interact at once and make crazy noises I’ve never heard.
Starfish. Finally saw them and I’ve been looking for them.
Brazen red squirrels. One ran not away from me but towards me. Others yell at me on the rocks from the edge of the woods, sporadically.
The leaves are turning and the colors are burning reds.
Went deep in the woods. It’s a childhood dream in there. Vibrant and bursting with character and enchantment. Easiest way to get around is follow the deer paths.
Found a bunch of hawk feathers at the bottom of a tree. The bottoms of the feathers were severed as though cut and not pulled straight from the bird. The tree itself had unusual wounds in it that I couldn’t figure out. Then I heard a huge roar behind me. No, I didn’t. Nature mystery.
Have been able to spend a lot of time with the water. Feels good
You love to hear my thoughts
Fills you’re heart
A window into me
Are too much
A word beyond the surface
Fills your eyes and voice with frustration and distaste
Makes you heavy and sick
And you want to be up
With the people you care about
You love my depth
Say, you get to know me, almost in a deeper way
Because I’m sharing what’s inside of me
You say it emotionally and with longing
For this person
That won’t challenge the moment
That will only give you as much at a time as you choose to read
That won't step outside the bounds of your screen
And scrape their eyes along the shores of your own
Searching for a soul to connect
On paper despite my best efforts I am two dimensional
And there, is the idea you love
In real life
I stand before you
To share all of this with you
Are made sick by my nakedness
☛ What Did I Do Today
(These couple days)
-Found my joy back this morning. Knew it was coming last night and prepared.
-Submitted poetry for publication
-Wrote short story
-Edited short story
-Worked on website
-Worked on blog
-Wrote and recorded music
-Spent a lot of time by the ocean
-Built a lot of fires
You always knew I'd have trapped doors and secret passageways.
You just didn't know it would be this soon.