Blog

PASSION FOR PURPOSE

Follow daily progress on a 30 day personal challenge to stretch out of my comfort zone and cultivate creative passion into a sustainable life.  

DAY 13 Turning Point

IMG_1640 (1).jpg

Wake.  Morning Ritual.  Meditate by the window.  Make coffee and breakfast.  Watch the sun rise over the trees, above the ocean.  See my breath in its light.  Go upstairs and look at my tasks. Get to work.

There may not be one turning point that we never come back from.  There may be no single day that quenches our thirst for love so that we are never again parched.   There may be many turning points.  

I'll take what I can get.  And if for some reason that inspiration or motivation to further shape myself in the likeness of what I feel deeply appears, as if by magic out of some dense fog; I will want to know the cause or the why, but I won't need to know it.  I'll be grateful that it's here and get back to work.

  

"There's a hole in your wall and I peak through

I thought I was me and then I was you"

 

 Point, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Point, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 

3 Specific Ways Art Makes A Positive Impact On Others

-People realize they can be creative and expressive

-People see that others also seek depth and meaning, beauty.

-Inspires curiosity and emotion & connects individuals to one another and something beyond them

 

☛  Voice Work / Cliff's Notes

Jack Kerouac - Big Sur

I decided to read some Kerouac this week.  Opinions are mixed, some love him and some consider him an idol lacking talent.  I don't know if I love him for his literary work.  He does have some of the most expressive and creative writing I know.  Kerouac has my handshake because he befriended me.  He came over and opened himself up, told me what was inside him, explained how his mind worked, confessed his innards to me under the sun of a crowded street.   He joked with me and clapped his arm around my shoulder insisting I meet all of his friends.  

Watching an interview on Kerouac as a 46 year old.  In many ways it’s hard to like him in this interview.  He’s drunk, he’s insulting, on the surface he doesn’t seem to say much.  I’ve had performances like this.  And for most people they can be a let down, sad, even scary or disturbing.  But buried in the outward appearance and even actuality of the car wreck, are gems of humanity.  Truths come out, insights and observations from a place of emotion and often a place of vulnerability and depth are made available.  Boundaries are pushed or simply walked over.  There’s a line and whether it’s been crossed long ago or you’re tightroping across it now, some kind of radical insight lurks nearby.  Power exists in operating outside the lines of expected norms.  It's playing with different rules.

William Buckly & Jack Kerouac, Sanders, Yablonsky Panel Discussion

I’ve read a decent amount of Kerouac.  One of the things that’s intriguing about this interview/ panel is that if you’ve read enough Kerouac you’re keenly aware that within the shell of this drooping drunk is an emotionally and intellectually large individual.  At times it’s not funny.  At times it’s disappointing.  He’s a mess.  He’s still Jack.  He’s always cared for you, shared what he had and you know he wants good things.  And some days and some moments are rough.  Some days you just about can’t stand it all.  

    Earlier this month I wrote a quote down as a helpful note to myself “Disparage no one, Love everyone.”  It’s a quote to carry with me through the project and after.  Reading Kerouac, I couldn’t recall him trash talking anyone.  Not that he loved everyone but it didn’t seem like he was ever trying to convince me to dislike anyone.  I’m sure there’s examples of him doing just that if you searched but I was struck by the amount of stream of consciousness and confessed writing that lacked disparaging sentiment.  It would be an impressive accomplishment, to go through a career in expression without speaking negatively on another.  I’m less interested in whether Jack achieved or embodied this and more interested with the idea itself.  

Allen Ginsberg, Reaction to Kerouac on Buckley

 Steady Now, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Steady Now, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

☛  Nature Sightings

Deer.  Lots of deer.  Fast deer. 

Lots of birds.  The bluejays around here have a society like I’ve never seen before.  A lot of them interact at once and make crazy noises I’ve never heard. 

Starfish.  Finally saw them and I’ve been looking for them.  

Brazen red squirrels.  One ran not away from me but towards me.  Others yell at me on the rocks from the edge of the woods, sporadically.  

The leaves are turning and the colors are burning reds.

Went deep in the woods.  It’s a childhood dream in there.  Vibrant and bursting with character and enchantment.  Easiest way to get around is follow the deer paths.  

Found a bunch of hawk feathers at the bottom of a tree.  The bottoms of the feathers were severed as though cut and not pulled straight from the bird.  The tree itself had unusual wounds in it that I couldn’t figure out.  Then I heard a huge roar behind me.  No, I didn’t.  Nature mystery.  

Have been able to spend a lot of time with the water.  Feels good

 Wing, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Wing, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

☛  Poetry

 

Before You

 

You love to hear my thoughts

On paper

Fills you’re heart

With connection 

A window into me 

Those thoughts

Insightful

Passionate

Dear

Are too much

In person

A word beyond the surface

Fills your eyes and voice with frustration and distaste

Pricks you

Makes you heavy and sick

And you want to be up

With the people you care about

You love my depth

Say, you get to know me, almost in a deeper way

Because I’m sharing what’s inside of me

You say it emotionally and with longing

For this person

That won’t challenge the moment

That will only give you as much at a time as you choose to read

That won't step outside the bounds of your screen 

And scrape their eyes along the shores of your own

Searching for a soul to connect

On paper despite my best efforts I am two dimensional

And there, is the idea you love

In real life

Here

I stand before you

Exposing myself

To share all of this with you

And you 

Are made sick by my nakedness

 

 Oils, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Oils, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

☛  What Did I Do Today

(These couple days)

-Found my joy back this morning.  Knew it was coming last night and prepared.  

-Submitted poetry for publication

-Wrote short story

-Edited short story

-Worked on website

-Worked on blog

-Wrote and recorded music

-Pullups

-Spent a lot of time by the ocean

-Built a lot of fires

-Read

-Explored

-Struggled

-Appreciated

 Escape, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Escape, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

You always knew I'd have trapped doors and secret passageways.  

You just didn't know it would be this soon.