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PASSION FOR PURPOSE

Follow daily progress on a 30 day personal challenge to stretch out of my comfort zone and cultivate creative passion into a sustainable life.  

DAY 30 The Beginning

 Island Scope, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Island Scope, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

☛  In Opening

 

30 successful days are up.  Every goal not achieved to a T but important groundwork and base structure put in place.  Learned how to create websites and integrate creative work into them, open an online shop, sell creative work and keep a blog.  Learned how to value and love myself a little more.  More than anything, direction and understanding became clearer.  I was able to learn how vital nature is to me right now and that I enjoy this type of creative life.  Working creatively, working mostly by myself, growing outside of my comfort zone, finding financial and personal value in the work.  Life responded to the work I put out.  Around 20 short stories and twice as many poems were written.  Thousands of photographs taken.  Hundreds of Ideas generated. Beauty perceived.  Love fueled.  Music made.    

The last couple days it was hard to imagine the time there would end.  The rocks, woods and ocean seemed like they would always be part of the day.  Red squirrels, eagles and secret hollows.  Cold air rising up from underground between moss covered boulders.  The ocean in it’s depth and fury.  If the weather hadn’t been turning, I would have found a way to stay.  

The last week out of Maine has been great.  Spending time sharing with family, continuing to open up.  As the days turn to a week and I’m pulled in different directions in social settings, the confidence and grounding I’ve gained is challenged.  I’m also not around nature as much.  I can’t walk outside as easily and be overwhelmed by it.  It’s a drive away and I’m starting to feel the gap.  It feels like this is a time of transition, an opportunity to take on different ways of interacting with life and evolving the truer aspects of myself.  Finding the next jump to continue this work has been more challenging than I thought and I’m not sure what the next step is.  All I know is if I let this moment of growth go, slide back into what I know, I’ll regret it.  I have to move forward.  It’s started to work like magic but I haven’t had enough practice at this type of life yet for it to stick and become my baseline.  And I need to.     

P.S. All Images in this blog post are for sale.  (Except for the picture of the book below)  They may not be in the shop yet but contact me direct at Cliff@CliffsOcean.com for prints, or to say hey.

☛  Music

I know I haven't shared much music during this journey,

so here's a little snippet.

On Our Toes, Music/Vid by Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd


☛  Voice Work / Cliff's Notes

Recording on the go is a bit of a challenge so here's an old recording of one of my favorite books.  The Stray by Betsy James Wyeth, illustrations by Jamie Wyeth.  I recorded the entire book in 2014 as a Christmas present and it was one of my first longer experiences with voice over work.  And challenging.  

This book has always felt just right to me.  The emotional baseline in it is familiar and calming.  It has the right amount of magic and mystery in every day experience.  The Wyeth family is an incredible family and they've been both in Pennsylvania right around where I'm from and also in Maine.  There's more talented Wyeths than days in a month.  

 

How can I always create this feeling of enjoyment in the environment?

What other places can I go to right now that will feed this connection? What other people are out there that share similar feelings and how can I spend more time with them?  

Who can I link up with that can teach me more about nature?  What are concrete steps I need to take to make this life sustainable?  

The ocean, spirit, animals, trees, rocks, sky, birds,

beauty, love.  I need more of it.  

I’ve gotten better at asking questions since I’ve been here.  To myself, deeply and to people around me, sincerely.  I’ve gained more appreciation and value for myself and can hear inside better.  

 

☛  Right Place, Right Time

 

I showed you my favorite house in a past post.  

Here it is again, with a story.  

Every day that I went to the cliffs I passed my favorite house.  In all that time I never saw anyone there.  On my last day I walked towards the cliffs and saw a truck parked in the driveway.  A man was walking out and I asked if it was his place and told him how much I appreciated it.  We talked for a minute and he offered to show me the place on the way back if I wanted.  I spent some time by the ocean soaking it in and eventually walked back towards his place.  One thing led to another and we ended up spending the next few hours talking, enjoying the view, looking off the incredible deck.  The house was built by his grandfather in 1903 or 1906, I can’t remember.  The sprawling stone hearth, the memories lining the walls, the unique structure and layout.  This house is it.      

 Limber Loss - The Favorite House - Whale Watcher, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Limber Loss - The Favorite House - Whale Watcher, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Fred was full of history, stories and hospitality.   Treating me like an old friend, he shared family stories of adventure, accomplishment, history of the house.  The island in front of the house that is now conservation owned?  At one point someone offered it to his grandmother for $50.  The narrow strip of water between the island and the jutting rocks of low tide?  They used to steer their unbelievable 90 foot boat into it.  Cool cars?  At one point Fred drove a Cobra and has plenty of stories to match the horsepower.  Interesting family lineage?  Absolutely.  I’ve been curious about learning how to sail for some time.  Is Fred an accomplished sailor that has been on boats all his life?  Of course.  

 The 90 Foot Dream, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

The 90 Foot Dream, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Everything about meeting Fred and spending time in this house

felt fortuitous.  

This house I’d been passing and admiring every day, my last night here I get to really see it from the inside out as well as hear about the history that went into it.  I walked away that night feeling how much Five Islands has given me.  How much of the right place I had been in the right time, how much I created for myself and how much was given to me.  

It was awesome to meet Fred and I hope to keep in touch,

do some sailing and hear more stories from him next Summer.  

Thanks Fred!

 

☛  Progress Manifest

 

 Man of Ocean, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Man of Ocean, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd


The first piece that I sold is called Man of Ocean and went to two people I'm happy to have had the opportunity to get to know.  Damon and Mary Ann are inspiring couple, full of life and adventure.  The second best part after getting to know them was seeing how they took a blank piece of wood, even giving me the history on some of the wood and then made a frame from it. It's amazing to see people respond to your work and even more so to see them add their own beauty and design to it.  Very grateful they were my first photography clients, a good omen. And grateful to see my work displayed in such a beautifully considered way.   

 Final Man of Ocean in Hand Crafted Frame by Damon

Final Man of Ocean in Hand Crafted Frame by Damon

 Here's How the Frame Starts

Here's How the Frame Starts

 Damon, Building the Frame

Damon, Building the Frame

Damon and Mary Ann enjoyed Man of Ocean so Much that they purchased this piece as well. Thanks guys, it looks great!

 Piece #2 The Conversation/ World for Two, Frame by Damon

Piece #2 The Conversation/ World for Two, Frame by Damon

 

☛  Nature Finds

 

High seas, Eagles, Artifacts, Love.  I'll miss this place.  And I'll be back.  

Anybody want to invest in beauty with me?  Let's Live.  

It's more affordable than you think. 

Cliff@CliffsOcean.com

 Seaweed in the Clouds, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Seaweed in the Clouds, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Ghost Vortex, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Ghost Vortex, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Island Roots, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Island Roots, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Touching Bright Wave, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Touching Bright Wave, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Light Map, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Light Map, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 W. White Clay Pipe, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

W. White Clay Pipe, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Among many cool artifacts and treasures, I found this old Clay Pipe in the sea bed of the harbor.  

 Garnett Eyes, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Garnett Eyes, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Autumn in the Ocean

 Reaching Light Snail, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Reaching Light Snail, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Autumn Island, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Autumn Island, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Touching World, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Touching World, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Leafs Life Lines, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Leafs Life Lines, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

☛  Poetry

 

Master Captain

 

There in your easy chair

I watch you reading

Playing master captain 

In your heart

You are like a child

Pure as light 

On the water’s rim

You will always be my love

If other lives bring others into my arms

If my heart is filled with another’s blood

Ruby and jeweled 

My eyes like a giant cat

Green galaxy

For her

Or him

You

Will still be my love

Always a place in my heart

That is warm

From the cold of pitiless nature

Soft 

From the jagged edges of learning

Will wait for you

To come and go as you please

For as long as you want

I will be there 

Around you always

The walls will be made of my love

The food will be made of love

And will be inside you

Your feet 

So human

It amazes me

They carry around

Infinity

 

 Presence, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Presence, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Seed, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Seed, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Last Days Here... For Now

 End of the World, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

End of the World, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Sunlight Sea Rain, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Sunlight Sea Rain, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Remember, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Remember, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Earth Island I, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Earth Island I, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Earth Island II, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Earth Island II, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Sand Design, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Sand Design, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Out from the Islands

 Deer Season Hiking Attire, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Deer Season Hiking Attire, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Sailor's shack, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Sailor's shack, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Sea Dance, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Sea Dance, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Light, Water, Love.

 Helena's Aspect I, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Helena's Aspect I, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 

☛  California

I made it to California.  I'm going to continue this adventure here.  There's beauty and Ocean everywhere and I know my job right now is to be with it.  I'm going to continue this blog too.  Maybe not in the exact same way but in some way.  I've been grateful to be able to share it.  Get ahold of me if you connected with it, I'd love to hear your thoughts and about what your up to.  

If you know of any beautiful places that I can stay to continue this journey, please, please, let me know.  I can't wait to be there.  

 Turtle the Van, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Turtle the Van, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Artist Blessing, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd  (James J. Lloyd - Sculpture Light Source)

Artist Blessing, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd  (James J. Lloyd - Sculpture Light Source)

The Most Inspiring Artist and Man I know

 Artist Retrospective, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd  (James J. Lloyd - Sculpture Light Source) 

Artist Retrospective, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd  (James J. Lloyd - Sculpture Light Source) 

 The American Farm of the Anderson's, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

The American Farm of the Anderson's, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Nini, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Nini, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Walnuts & Obsidian, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Walnuts & Obsidian, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Bobcat!

 Bobcat Communion, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Bobcat Communion, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Bobcat - Different World, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Bobcat - Different World, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Love Continued

 Dream Water Light, Cliff Kuhn-LLoyd

Dream Water Light, Cliff Kuhn-LLoyd

 Slide Sunset, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd (Sutro Baths, San Francisco)

Slide Sunset, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd (Sutro Baths, San Francisco)

It's been amazing to be here with you.  

Thank you for sharing the time and space with me.  

See you soon.  

 

All my best,

Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

DAY 23 Close Enough

IMG_5754 2.JPG

As time here winds to a close.  What are the core challenges, how am I doing?

 

Overall.  Good.  Maybe even great.  

Core challenges are staying focused and understanding my overall direction, what I want to accomplish. By having a clearer grasp of this, I’ll be able to fill in more steps.  That also may make it easier to stay focused.   

There’s a fatigued feeling lately, almost as if throughout the day, I could take a nap any time.  

I’ve made good progress and learned a lot and I want to find a way to continue this process.  

Not spending enough time making connections, putting myself out there enough.  Schedules that I make are too easy to break or too full to complete.  

What do I want now?  I wonder if there is another place, on the West coast that I can continue this exercise.  I'm going to miss this place and can't even quite fathom leaving.    

 

☛  Voice Work

For voice work I picked Steven Pressfield’s the War of Art.  The pages are short, easy to read and I look at it periodically throughout my day.  A lot of people have found this book super helpful, even life changing.  Some feel it’s nothing we haven’t heard before and wish there were more words on each page.  

My favorite part of this read is how it's helped a lot of people.  Some people have run with Pressfield’s ideas and used them as fuel to propel themselves to different stratospheres.  It’s impressive.  I think with an open mind it’s worth a read to almost anyone looking to move into a different phase of productivity or deal with creative/work/passion issues.  

I use profanity.  The more I think about it, the less it happens.  The reason I find myself using it less is because usually it’s a copout for me.  It gets attention, it has impact and emphasis built into it, it’s emotional and rebellious, direct, even cool.  The more I hear profanity the more I wonder what could have captured that emotion or moment in a more perfect way.  Profanity’s an incredible tool but maybe not always a reason, as Pressfield would say, to not “Do the work.”  I get the effectiveness of the brash attitude but sometimes I feel it gets in the way of a good idea he’s explaining.    

Certain concepts like creating an enemy out of an issue or relating to life like a battle, don’t gel somewhere deep down for me.  I see it enough around me, inside I can choose in real time to experience something different.  I’m not inclined to view life as a battle, especially a battle with myself.  I'm more inclined to find ways to understand, move past, love or work with the parts that are challenging.  Maybe I’m resisting my dream.  I believe to a great extent we create our lives.  Life can be a battle, a struggle, a meditation, a challenge, a game, a party, a work of art, a beautiful dance.  

There’s many languages of love and many different ways to say the same thing.  Pressfield has a valuable way of addressing a common experience, as do Ghandi, Lenon, Jane Goodall and many more. You may find this book changes your life and if you don’t, there are others out there that may.        

 

Cliff's Notes

Survival stories Field and Stream

I liked that they're from regular people in regular situations.  Guy goes out to hunt moose -gets attacked by bear.  Guy goes out to hunt squirrels - Gets lost.  

When I read these articles, I learn stuff.  The wilderness community is good at taking note of what was done and what could have been done to increase survival chances.  Slowly, the more you check this type of material out the more ingrained certain rules become.  If you get lost, stay put.  Build a shelter.  Signal for help.  A lot of these guidelines are counterintuitive.  If lost, sitting can feel like the opposite of being proactive.  Walking gives a sense of purpose, goals, distance and perceived progress.  

An element many of these stories have that’s a let down is the relationship people have with animals.  One of these guys gets attacked by a bear.  What do you do in that situation?  Try to defend yourself, get out, eliminate the threat to your life.  Totally.  If faced with the choice of the life of an animal that’s attacking me or my own, I’ll choose my own.  It’s that the majority of time, I see this relationship to animals from the beginning, before any attack, most of the time applied to animals that don’t attack or that it’s super rare for.  People feel differently I know.  There is no right or wrong.  It seems like something’s out of relation though.  It seems like there’s a big gap in the number of humans compared to animals that seek destruction or violence unnecessarily or for entertainment.  

Nature Sightings

 

Too much to list.  I see the golden eagle every couple days, sometimes pretty close.  There was a super low tide which let me see all different types of creatures I haven’t been able to spot yet.  Even fish trapped in little tide pools.  Starfish galore.  Sea algae or seaweed in all manor of different colors, pinks greens, oranges, blues, stalactites.

I ended up getting in the ocean.  Not fully immersed, just up to my knees, to get a shot I wanted.  Didn’t really get it.  100% worth it.  

Locals see a dude walk out of the woods every single day completely soaked to the hip.  They probably think it’s weird to see the same guy taking his pants off and getting in the late October ocean.  

 Too green?  Too green.  Too late.  

Too green?  Too green.  Too late.  

 This is what Lichen looks like close up.  

This is what Lichen looks like close up.  

The big nature sighting was the leftovers of the Hurricane.  Because of the full moon the tides were especially high and low.  Never experienced anything like that before.  That was power beyond what I knew.  The biggest waves were as big as small houses.   There's this feeling like "This is awesome!  This is awesome!  That's huge, get the hell out of there."  

 Baby waves from the next day

Baby waves from the next day

Doesn't look like much but I'm 30 feet above the ocean and that's 60-80 feet away zoomed at 300mm. When big waves crashed in on themselves out there, it sounded like a peal of thunder in a Summer Monsoon.  The sound was a crack.  Fun.  Rocky footage but click the link!

https://youtu.be/g54TK5F5pKU

 

Poetry

 

Boy and the Ocean

I keep the sand in the bed now

It does feel good

Dreams are bigger with it there

 

Remember when you told me

About the kid 

Who lived at the beach

With all the rest of the kids your age

 

You were young

He was playing in the ocean 

Dove into a wave 

And hit the sand

Broke his neck 

Back

Paralyzed

 

Every Summer

He sits on the porch

Watches the ocean

The beach

You grow up

 

I wonder if he’s in love with anyone

In particular

If yes, if it changed over the years 

Or stayed

 

If he's imagined 

You

Infinite times

Coming out of the ocean and walking towards him

Sitting down next to him on the porch

Looking into him

Kissing his cheek

Or lips

Or forehead

Smiling

Leaving only 

To get some groceries 

From the supermarket

In a simple white sun dress

Brown skin

While he sits

With the ocean

Process

 

Starts like this.  

Lower on the Cliff, 15-20 feet up.  

Sit in the right place so that it comes to say hi. 

Say hi back.

Close up.  

An explosion of color, shape and energy

plays with time and space.  

Too close.  

Escape, no.  

Might as well have jumped in. 

Jeans, Levi's 511 

Sneakers, Nike new vintage (2002), original Bill Bowerman waffle tread.  

Casualties of life 

Carhart W' Ziggy pants.  If you find these.  Anywhere.  Let me know.  I want another pair.  These had already been repaired by the amazing Cloth Interiors of Kennebunkport at least twice.  

Despite the amazing job, life's tough.     

Goodnight Sweetheart

Thoughts - Observations.

I like being by the ocean.  

I’m always excited to walk down that wooded path and see it.  

-I’ve been good to myself and given myself a lot of extra love.  There’s been a few days where I’ve really seen the difference from that.  Really feel the difference and oddly feel more like the person I thought I would be as a kid, even see it in the mirror.  There’s other days where it seems like no matter how much I try to love or appreciate myself, it’s difficult to see the person that I want to be and feel I am.  Some days it’s hard not to see what I don’t like.  Either way, doing this every day, spending that time with myself is adding to me. 

I still struggle with being motivated and excited to take life to the extra level of incredibleness.  I’m not one of those people who feels like I need to be doing something every moment or that can’t relax but I am someone who wants a life filled great moments, memories and magic.  That feeling of mystery, wonder and purpose are kinda my favorite parts of life, so I have to find more ways to increase those feelings.   When unbelievable “coincidences” happen or signs appear that make it feel like you’re on the right path or  are meant to see something, maybe it even happened specifically for you.  That feeling of destiny and purpose and a greater power that you can tap into and interact with.  That’s what I love and need more of.     

I am having some feelings that I didn’t do enough or didn’t accomplish enough with my time here or meet my goals enough.  I like this type of life but am still unsure how I can support it.  But what I need right now achieve that isn’t out of the question at all, it’s very attainable.  It’s a matter of keeping at it, growing, putting down more legwork and structure to stand on.  Putting more work in ahead of time so that I have the room to move or accept opportunities down the line.  Or right now.  It’s possible.  Plenty have done it.  I’ve done harder.  I just have to value it and create it.  And other new age phrases.  

Until Tomorrow & Tomorrow & Tomorrow

DAY 18 Mysterious Ways

 Against Window, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Against Window, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Wake up.  Meditate.  Light the fire.  Morning Ritual / Wake up.  Light the fire.  Meditate.  Morning ritual.  Water.  Sunrise.  Coffee.  Oatmeal.  

Slump?  Every 15 minutes another hour passes and there doesn't seem to be enough getting done.  What's on my mind?  Too much.  Creative work?  Writing's steady.  Music, not fun. Photography?  Cold out, doing business & getting out later, cloudy.  Business?  Slow going. Submitting writing.  Figuring out commerce on the site.   Editing.  Working on print sizes and understanding how that will work.  

Can't find awesome, inspiring stuff to listen to during the day while doing business.  Share music and radio programs/ good artists!

☛  News

 

Sold my first print to Mary Ann and Damon! 

Thanks guys!!!

 

*Still populating the online store but any photo of mine

on the blog or  website is for sale!  

Contact Direct:  Cliff@CliffsOcean.com

 

☛Voice Work

 

Rainer Maria Rilke

Sonnets to Orpheus, IV

 Further, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Further, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 

☛  Cliff's Notes

The Lonely Death


of George Bell

 

Each year around 50,000 people die in New York, some alone and
unseen. Yet death even in such forlorn form can cause a surprising
             amount of activity. Sometimes, along the way, a life’s secrets are revealed.

Written by N. R. KLEINFIELD; Photographs by JOSH HANEROCT. 17, 2015

18DYINGweb2-blog427.jpg

How much self reliance is too much self reliance?   

George Bell lived alone.  He ate alone and he spent most of his time alone.  He also went to a bar.  At one point he became concerned for his health so, club soda.  He had a friend that he sat with at the bar and fished with, for the final 15 years of his life.  

When George Bell died alone in his NY apartment, it took days for anyone to find him.  After police were called because of the odor and found Belle, it took weeks to months to confirm his identity and find anyone that knew him.  If you’ve ever wondered about the process for identifying the unclaimed deceased, the article covers that.  It's extensive and its’ not computers that sum the legwork down to results in seconds.  Real people methodically comb an area on a hunch, lead or long shot, gradually expanding the circle in hopes of getting a hit.     

Nugget of wisdom to glean from an article about a lonely life?  For Juan Plaza, one of the men whose job it is to comb through residences of the deceased, looking for information or valuables, it's:  

"With each sunrise, may we value every minute”;

“Be kind, smile to the world and it will smile back”;

“Share your life with loved ones”; “Love, forgive, forget.”  

 

Juan’s partner Mr. Rodriguez:

"build a life like it’s the last day.  

The friend of Belle’s, that spent those fifteen years with him?  “One thing about George is he didn’t get personal.  Not ever.”  It struck me, here’s an article on how a man lived mostly alone, died alone, was…  Alone.  He sat in a bar for years, with his friend who felt he never really knew him in many ways.  This friend, "the Dude", is still sitting in that bar.  Alone?

 Man of Island, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Man of Island, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 

☛  Make it Special

 

It was a rough day.  Maybe a rough couple days.  

 

Oh, What a Night

 

I cleaned myself up, cleaned the place up and decided to build a fire, put some music on, prepare a nice dinner and make the night special.  It'd been a couple weeks since I’d seen anyone, so I decided to make it a dinner date as well.  

 Table for one, no longer.  You're thinking no greens.  I got to shop for the month 1 time.  

Table for one, no longer.  You're thinking no greens.  I got to shop for the month 1 time.  

I’ve known Elsa for a while but the timing’s never been quite right.  Last night everything just came together.  She showed up and immediately I was put at ease.  She’s beautiful, kind, always interested in what I have to say and a great listener.  She’s quiet but it’s endearing.  

 Tell Me More

Tell Me More

After a couple glasses of wine, we were having a great time and Elsa really came out of her shell.  She’s got an amazing smile, a perfect pair of eyes and we really get each other.  She thinks I’m hilarious.  Toast to a great night.  

 Toast with Elsa

Toast with Elsa

 

The only thing that could have made this night better?  

Not reading that George Bell article earlier in the day.  

 

☛ Nature Sightings

 

Golden Eagle

Saw this bird three times in two days.  My initial thought was Golden Eagle but wondered if it could be an immature Bald Eagle?  The second day it’s coloring looked whiter, there may have been two.

 Goldy Tawn

Goldy Tawn

 

Bald Eagle  

The bird was no fooling around.  Golden eagles can be bigger than bald eagles but this bird was definitely larger than the bird above.  While Yul Brynner sat up there in the tree, a crow and two seagulls dove down at him.  The seagulls stayed at 10-15 feet but the crow got pretty close. The eagle was completely unfazed, barely looked and expressed zero concern.  This one seemed keenly aware of his place on the food chain.  

 Yul Brynner

Yul Brynner

 

Deer

Found myself about 30 feet from a doe and her young adult offspring.  I was on the bike and somehow I caught them before they caught me.  I was able to stop and put my feet on the ground.  They quickly saw and smelled me but I stayed still.  When they looked away I would creep closer till the looked back.  We did this for a few minutes.  It’s cool to watch these animals. From a design perspective it's impressive.  I love old cars, new cars, speed, power and what we’ve been able to create.  And here it is in a flesh and bone form, so clear.  Light, long bones, tall neck, taught muscles, 310 degrees peripheral vision, two square feet of sensitive funnel shaped surface area inside the ears, a nose that’s 1,000 times more powerful than a human’s.  Able to move at almost 40mph.  Capable of jumping 12-15 vertical and 30 horizontal feet.     

 

Starfish

 Look, Over there, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Look, Over there, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 

Favorite House Around Here

 Whale Watcher, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Whale Watcher, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 Seapine, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Seapine, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 

☛Poetry

Further down 

Small stones and shells

Turn pebbles before sand

Bits of color between Seaweed

Green

Sweet tan

Bright clean

Sticks of driftwood

 

Here

Sea glass collects

Sweeping lines

Tender in light

Generous texture

 

The breaks have quieted, their movement graceful

Slow, wide

Lines of desert sand 

 

I walk like a key was lost

Back and forth 

Careful not to miss a spot

Methodical 

Hush the mind

Guide 

Between the stones

To see

Little bits

Hidden purple glass

Proof in my hand 

That I do

 

You want the words

In a way I cannot say now

I say more

But your hands are pressed tight against your head

Your eyes shut

So you cannot read my lips

 

Emotions you don’t expect to live together

Frustrate you

Love and lack

And if the question exists than maybe it isn’t

I know 

 

Life for me has slowed

Graciously

The need to know eased

I took a walk 

And spent some time sitting

That is my work 

That is most important

For me

That is my art

 

I couldn’t promise the white of forever, still

Only that moments stretched long enough for me to lay inside them

And watch some of the water I love

In your arms

 

I didn’t need to speak 

While our souls were close

The first leaves were falling

Red and sweet

Into the sky

The forest spoke

And my need to know was eased.

 Love rocks, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Love rocks, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

In many ways I don't want my time here to end.  It's a million times better than what I've been doing.  The only thing is the isolation.  I love my solitude but without an outlet to step out of that zone, isolation can become oppressive.   

Financial aside for the moment, I feel like I can deal with the ups and downs of this life.  I enjoy working here and that my problems are what they are for now.  When I go outside and take a deep breath and look at this nature, it touches a deeper part of me.  Even when I'm in a down mood, it's a reminder of something bigger and better, a place of beauty inside.   Can I afford it?  Will it provide for me?  Musicians, Poets, Writers, Photographers are a dime a dozen.  Is what I want to sit and write?  Am I ready for that?  Am I done with the rest of it?  Does it need to be one or the other?  Can I do both?  Yes.    

The spiritualness and meditation of this life are important to me.  I have little interest in being around a lot of aspects of our culture.  From the woods to Hollywood.  When I'm somewhere I'm not digging I always think, if I'm here there must be somebody else here with some of the same center.  I have to get better at spotting them.  It keeps me thinking though, why not find somewhere there's many people like you?  I'm an outsider here but could see not being one in a relatively short time.  I like the way people operate here.  They see you and raise a hand or say hello, it feels genuine.  No one's in your business though, people for the most part let you alone and are doing what they do.  They're curious but not invasive.  And there's the feeling that if you need help, people are around.  What's missing is that feeling that a space needs to be filled.  It's nice.  

 

What Did I Do Today?

(These Days)

-Walking

-Thinking

-Submitted poetry to seven publishers

-Sold my first print!

-Saw eagles and starfish and deer

-Spent time along the shores looking at sea glass and shells

-Wrote at least six short stories 

-Wrote at least five poems

-Talked to Dave at voiceover company

-Worked with Hoyin on print sizes.  (Hoyin killed it)

-Meditated every day

-Morning Ritual everyday

-Went back outside after I had gone in, to see more sunset and moon

-Built fires every day

-Did pull ups 

-Tried at music

-Setup commerce and opened shop (need to populate)

-Read a bunch of articles

-Wrote article response

-Cleaned house

-Picked out images for postcards and calendar

-Ordered sample cards

-Ordered Moo materials packet

-Read Voiceover 

-Filmed

-Took Photos

-Edited Photos

-Read

 The Conversation/ World for Two, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

The Conversation/ World for Two, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

DAY 13 Turning Point

IMG_1640 (1).jpg

Wake.  Morning Ritual.  Meditate by the window.  Make coffee and breakfast.  Watch the sun rise over the trees, above the ocean.  See my breath in its light.  Go upstairs and look at my tasks. Get to work.

There may not be one turning point that we never come back from.  There may be no single day that quenches our thirst for love so that we are never again parched.   There may be many turning points.  

I'll take what I can get.  And if for some reason that inspiration or motivation to further shape myself in the likeness of what I feel deeply appears, as if by magic out of some dense fog; I will want to know the cause or the why, but I won't need to know it.  I'll be grateful that it's here and get back to work.

  

"There's a hole in your wall and I peak through

I thought I was me and then I was you"

 

 Point, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Point, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

 

3 Specific Ways Art Makes A Positive Impact On Others

-People realize they can be creative and expressive

-People see that others also seek depth and meaning, beauty.

-Inspires curiosity and emotion & connects individuals to one another and something beyond them

 

☛  Voice Work / Cliff's Notes

Jack Kerouac - Big Sur

I decided to read some Kerouac this week.  Opinions are mixed, some love him and some consider him an idol lacking talent.  I don't know if I love him for his literary work.  He does have some of the most expressive and creative writing I know.  Kerouac has my handshake because he befriended me.  He came over and opened himself up, told me what was inside him, explained how his mind worked, confessed his innards to me under the sun of a crowded street.   He joked with me and clapped his arm around my shoulder insisting I meet all of his friends.  

Watching an interview on Kerouac as a 46 year old.  In many ways it’s hard to like him in this interview.  He’s drunk, he’s insulting, on the surface he doesn’t seem to say much.  I’ve had performances like this.  And for most people they can be a let down, sad, even scary or disturbing.  But buried in the outward appearance and even actuality of the car wreck, are gems of humanity.  Truths come out, insights and observations from a place of emotion and often a place of vulnerability and depth are made available.  Boundaries are pushed or simply walked over.  There’s a line and whether it’s been crossed long ago or you’re tightroping across it now, some kind of radical insight lurks nearby.  Power exists in operating outside the lines of expected norms.  It's playing with different rules.

William Buckly & Jack Kerouac, Sanders, Yablonsky Panel Discussion

I’ve read a decent amount of Kerouac.  One of the things that’s intriguing about this interview/ panel is that if you’ve read enough Kerouac you’re keenly aware that within the shell of this drooping drunk is an emotionally and intellectually large individual.  At times it’s not funny.  At times it’s disappointing.  He’s a mess.  He’s still Jack.  He’s always cared for you, shared what he had and you know he wants good things.  And some days and some moments are rough.  Some days you just about can’t stand it all.  

    Earlier this month I wrote a quote down as a helpful note to myself “Disparage no one, Love everyone.”  It’s a quote to carry with me through the project and after.  Reading Kerouac, I couldn’t recall him trash talking anyone.  Not that he loved everyone but it didn’t seem like he was ever trying to convince me to dislike anyone.  I’m sure there’s examples of him doing just that if you searched but I was struck by the amount of stream of consciousness and confessed writing that lacked disparaging sentiment.  It would be an impressive accomplishment, to go through a career in expression without speaking negatively on another.  I’m less interested in whether Jack achieved or embodied this and more interested with the idea itself.  

Allen Ginsberg, Reaction to Kerouac on Buckley

 Steady Now, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Steady Now, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

☛  Nature Sightings

Deer.  Lots of deer.  Fast deer. 

Lots of birds.  The bluejays around here have a society like I’ve never seen before.  A lot of them interact at once and make crazy noises I’ve never heard. 

Starfish.  Finally saw them and I’ve been looking for them.  

Brazen red squirrels.  One ran not away from me but towards me.  Others yell at me on the rocks from the edge of the woods, sporadically.  

The leaves are turning and the colors are burning reds.

Went deep in the woods.  It’s a childhood dream in there.  Vibrant and bursting with character and enchantment.  Easiest way to get around is follow the deer paths.  

Found a bunch of hawk feathers at the bottom of a tree.  The bottoms of the feathers were severed as though cut and not pulled straight from the bird.  The tree itself had unusual wounds in it that I couldn’t figure out.  Then I heard a huge roar behind me.  No, I didn’t.  Nature mystery.  

Have been able to spend a lot of time with the water.  Feels good

 Wing, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Wing, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

☛  Poetry

 

Before You

 

You love to hear my thoughts

On paper

Fills you’re heart

With connection 

A window into me 

Those thoughts

Insightful

Passionate

Dear

Are too much

In person

A word beyond the surface

Fills your eyes and voice with frustration and distaste

Pricks you

Makes you heavy and sick

And you want to be up

With the people you care about

You love my depth

Say, you get to know me, almost in a deeper way

Because I’m sharing what’s inside of me

You say it emotionally and with longing

For this person

That won’t challenge the moment

That will only give you as much at a time as you choose to read

That won't step outside the bounds of your screen 

And scrape their eyes along the shores of your own

Searching for a soul to connect

On paper despite my best efforts I am two dimensional

And there, is the idea you love

In real life

Here

I stand before you

Exposing myself

To share all of this with you

And you 

Are made sick by my nakedness

 

 Oils, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Oils, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

☛  What Did I Do Today

(These couple days)

-Found my joy back this morning.  Knew it was coming last night and prepared.  

-Submitted poetry for publication

-Wrote short story

-Edited short story

-Worked on website

-Worked on blog

-Wrote and recorded music

-Pullups

-Spent a lot of time by the ocean

-Built a lot of fires

-Read

-Explored

-Struggled

-Appreciated

 Escape, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Escape, Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

You always knew I'd have trapped doors and secret passageways.  

You just didn't know it would be this soon.  

 

DAY 6 The Kid

 Light Chaser, by Hoyin Au

Light Chaser, by Hoyin Au

Woke up and put the coffee on, did the Morning Ritual, cooked some oatmeal, sat down to work.  

Having Hoyin here yesterday, for good reason I wasn’t able to focus singularly on work so I was a little behind.  I spent till 3:30PM getting caught up on work and by then it was time to take a break, catch the last of the sun and have fun.  We drove a few miles down to Reid State Park, exactly what we needed.  Beautiful, sun, amazing views, lagoon, massive endless beach, crashing waves, rocks and tide pools.  Perfect.  Got our cameras and dug in.  Soon the waves were coming up and I needed more.  Close as you can.  I know I’ll likely be soaked every day, it’s a matter of when.  I dodge the waves and the water as long as I can but once I do get wet, forget staying dry. I'm in jeans, sneakers and water up to my knees, wave crashing around me.  My iPhones telling me this cable isn’t authorized for the phone, there is no cable in the phone and I have some cool pictures and a huge smile.  

☛Voiceover Work and Cliff's Notes

I combined these today.  It took a lot of articles to get to the Voiceover selection and time is short.

 

                                  Einstein on Love                             

  & His Letter to Roosevelt About the Bomb  

With many things, we start searching for an answer and find three more questions.

I wanted to know Einstein’s thoughts on love and if any were published.  Einstein has always struck me as a man in the minority of intellectual public figures with a large capacity and openness for spirituality.

Instantly results popped up.  Einstein had penned thousands of letters to people over the years, many love letters and one highly touted letter to his daughter.  

I read the letter and found exactly what I’d hoped for.  Einstein explains to his daughter that for his whole life he’s been working on something so powerful that the world hasn’t been ready for it.  He warns her not to release his letters for as long as it takes, until the world is ready.  

What’s the secret Einstein was working on his whole life?  What wasn’t the world ready for or capable of handling yet?  Does he tell her?  Yes.  It’s the Discovery of the single most powerful force that governs all other forces in the universe, Love.  

One of the most brilliant minds we’ve known potentially discovered proof of something many have felt inside.  Even if it is only a father’s letter to his daughter, an attempt to inspire her outlook, it's a sweet sentiment from the man genius.  The thing about it for me.. It's fake. There’s no existing documentation to support any origin or record of the letter and Einstein expert’s agree it’s almost positively fraud.  

PTII

There isn’t time to go into detail but I still wanted some words on Einstein and love.  What I came across was hand penned images of letters.  I wanted more than a love letter and half of these were in his native tongue.  I wanted something that was authentic.  What I found was a letter Einstein wrote to President Roosevelt in 1939 concerning the construction of “the Bomb”. The letter is eerie, intense and feels like the spark in an ignition that changed the world.  

Reading more of Einstein’s thoughts after the bomb was created, there’s a balancing act.  At times he says the letter to Roosevelt was a mistake.  Other times he states how important it was for the US to master the technology before Germany.  At times he seems to shrug off his role as minor.  From the bits I’ve read on a big topic, it feels like Einstein struggled internally over it, and the world calling him the father of the atomic bomb perpetuated that struggle.  Maybe that’s just what I’m looking for.    

☛Nature Sightings

Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, Heart.  

 Paint by Numbers, by Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

Paint by Numbers, by Cliff Kuhn-Lloyd

It feels like being a kid.  It is like being a kid.  There’s the world, smashing green waves, islands in the mist, beaches that stretch forever lit up like a glass floor in the sun.  You’re timing the waves, timing yourself, jumping out last second.  Getting soaked, capturing physics, hanging out with friends and ridiculously glorious nature.  The sun gets low, the huge rocks are burning coals, the sky explodes in fiery rainbow.  Butter soft pinks and violets roll in and everything is dream no matter how hard you blink.  

 Cliff, by  Hoyin Au

Cliff, by Hoyin Au

See More of Hoyin's Amazing Photography

☛Poetry

On the Rocks

 

Biding time

Perched tentatively over engagements

Sacred focus defused 

Look pensive

Attempt deep thought

Exaggerate expressions and

Act as though with time alone 

You’ll arrive at the solution

Reassure

Shake hands

Look in the eyes

Wave

Wait till the car pulls up the hill

One more second in case it turns around

Done

Run!

Force your hands into the jacket sleeves

Feverishly to hear the stitching 

Rip and pop

On 

The boots so fast 

Burn your fingers and heels

Hat off the hook on the head

Swing the door

Fresh

Cool

Jut back

Grab the apple 

Slam the door 

Scrape the gravel

Down the hill

Lean back

Brace the knees

Smell it now

See it now

Blue Obsidian 

Dotted speckled

Boats and birds

At the stairway

Smooth the railing

Down into the sand

Across it now

Faster now

Hands on the rock

Feet on the rock 

Up the rock

Brace the knees

Over the edge

Slow down 

Slow down 

Now

Lookout

God

The Sun

It Sets

 Hoyin and Cliff, Photo by  Hoyin Au

Hoyin and Cliff, Photo by Hoyin Au

☛What Did I Do Today?

-Morning Ritual

-Worked on catch up and damage control for site and blog

-Went to Reid State Park, Maine with Hoyin

-Had a fn blast, shot some photos

-Got Wet

-Came home and worked on Website

-Edited Pictures

-Wrote Poetry

-Read an article on botany

-Slept

-Went to bed